Getting to know someone..

My life is fucked up. I miss people. I especially miss him.



So yeah.. every since that time.. when we called over. Well.. when YOU called over. Something isn't even the same. Like wtf, I mean if you are going to be a great guy friend like you said you would be.. then act like one. Ever since then.. it feels like we never even had a thing going on and we are starting from the beginning again when we didn't even talk that much and I'm just here with more questions and memories. Memories that I probably can't even dare to imagine anymore.. Now I'm just scared to talk to you. You make me nervous and think of plans on how to talk to you when I see you.. it seems like nothing can be natural anymore. I hate this. Why did you even enter my life in the first place. I warned you about what's going to happen and yet you ignored and forgot what I said and broke me.. broke us. Ever since then.. I feel so different. I don't even feel me anymore. I try so hard to make me laugh, to distract myself, to make me think of other things, to like other guys.. but in the end.. you're always the one I'm thinking about before I sleep. How lucky you are.. and how unlucky I am. It was never a great idea to get to know someone through text. You have to meet them in real life to see how that person is. Their actions, their touch, their smile, their laughter, the way how they glaze into your eyes, you get to know them by that.. to see if they are comfortable around you. To see how their reaction is. Not something through text.. most laughter are fake.. you don't know if they are serious or not. Everything in the text are well thought out in your head.. it's not natural. Before you press send, you rethink, rephrase, reread and redo your text until it sounds perfect. No one wants to have a perfect conversation or a relationship.. so that's why I'm saying.. meet someone in real life. Get to know them in real life. You see their cutest flaws and mistakes.. and everything is just not planned out. You don't rethink what you're going to do, you don't redo what you're gonna do.. man you don't even have time to do it again. So next time.. when you're thinking about getting to know me again.. don't talk to me through text. Get to know the actual me. The one who is right next to you, in front of your face, the one who you can touch, see my face, see my emotions, see my reactions, and etc.. Texting to me is like boring.. I don't get hyper over text.. I don't get excited, I'm just not that girl who you think I am over text. The me in text, the me on aim, the me in real life.. changes. I don't know why.. it's maybe because the surroundings are different. I just don't express my feelings very well through text. So once again, quit getting to know me through text, facebook, aim, myspace, youtube, or other things you can think of that is over the electronics. Because I wouldn't want you to know me through that way, because you're missing out on the real me. That is, if you give me another chance. Which I highly doubt that.. we are basically no more and I'm pretty sure you made it clear to me.. that we won't have a chance in the future. And yet, I find every possible way to think that we do. Isn't life grand.