Best Friends?

HAH. No. I feel that I don't even have best friends anymore. Yeah although some are there, but they just NEVER understand me. They're ALWAYS MISTAKEN my meaning. And I can NEVER clarify what I mean, because I can NEVER explain what I want to say in my head. Because everything doesn't make sense to me. Every time I try to explain, it always gets confusing and then the other party would misinterpret it AGAIN. Like wtf, so that's why I rather just keep my mouth shut. Better yet, don't even talk to anyone. That's why I want to move. I'm tired of shit happening. I just wanna start new. I wanna meet new people. Meet people that have the same point of view as I do. And if not, allow me to be open minded and accept their opinions. I never meant for negatives or trying to hurt anyone's feelings. Last thing I would want to do. So what's the point of having best friends? When they aren't even sure what's the meaning of that? When they just get mad because the other person's opinion isn't what they want to hear? So they stop me from continuing on, and talk shit about me inconspicuously. I just wanted to be truthful and real, even if it makes me look like a bitch. I rather be a bitch then be a 2 faced. Talking to you all nicely, then go secretly talk to others about what I don't like about you. What's the point of calling you my best friend then? I don't get it. But what is there to get? It just means they aren't your best friend. Anyways that's not even the only problem. The other reason why I don't think I got a best friend is because.. aren't they suppose to be always there for you? When you need them? Well I don't even have that kind of support. Yeah they listen. Yeah they give me advice. Yeah they talk to me. Yeah they help me. BUT are they there? No. It's just mainly all talk. They can't do anything. All they can do is listen. Yeah listening is good too, but sometimes the presence of them being there means so much more. But that's exactly why I can't be anybody's best friend either. I don't give them that kind of support, I can't have their back. I would if I could. But if you went to jail or some shit, hell no would I go to jail for you. It was your mistake, don't gotta drag me in there. I don't know. Everybody's definition of best friend is different. I guess having a best friend for me might be impossible. Who knows? Maybe one day my perspective might change again. But as of right now, I guess I don't need best friends anyways. Having a close friend is nice. And plus why categorize them into being the "best" when they got their own flaws? Cause you know, everybody got flaws. But whatevers, I don't know. Even if I say you are my best friend.. I don't even know if I meant it. Or it might just be for the moment. Blah, life can kiss my ass right about now. But anyways, back to the point.. What's the meaning of best friends again? When they would just treat me as their everyday friends. But okay, that's fine. I'm starting not to get the meaning of best friends anymore anyways. I guess from now on, I won't even have a best friend anymore. I'm tired of claiming. My sister was right, best friends aren't there forever. It's only for the moment. In the end, you only have yourself.


- To a certain person who might sign on in any random day, it might seem as if I'm talking about you. Which I am. There is no reason to hide it because it was pretty obvious. Like who else would I call my best friend and had the same problem, but I was not talking about only you. It was my other best friends also. The ones from the past, present, and possibly future.

- This "drama" as I like to call it, happened recently, and if you read this like a month from now and our relationship is good again, and you read this. And it made you not like me again or claim me as YOUR best friend. Then I would feel bad and sorry towards you. But I will not regret what I said. However, my perspective might of already changed. And these things I said on here might not still be valid.

- Hate me if you want, but these are the words that are truly from my heart. And I would NEVER want to lie in a place where I talk about my truest feelings.