Truly Confused..

Okay.. so like me and BT haven't been talking as much.. what does that mean? It happened before.. and I asked him straight up and he told me things and I was like oh? And then he was like "Ohh.. you thought I stopped liking you?!" and what was I thinking and stuff.. blaah.. so then it happened again.... soo.. did he really stop liking me? I don't know... it was weird. I FEEL TOOOO ATTACHED. Ugh.. he always said "i hate to keep people waiting, especially you" ahh.. he's been doing that for quite some time.. sooo then of course, he did that yesterday! So then later on that night.. i was like "did you get my text? Jw" and an hour later he was like "sorry hombre" then i didnt reply back till like at around 10 saying "Ohh i'm sorry too, good night" and then he was likeee replying back all laughing and stuff.. wtf?! I'm just soo confuse! Thenn he was like "Something's wrong" and I was like nothing.. and of courseee, he believed mee. then whatever we texted a few more text then he was like "go to sleep!" soo thennn i was likee "Oohhkaay danngg, i know you dont wanna textt mee and all but jeeez." then he called me a psycho. wtf.. i didnt reply back after that.. and this morning i was like "ur the psycho! JERK!!" and then he replied back with a "are you for reals?" and then SINCEE HE DOESNT REPLY TO LIKEEE 3432 HOURS LATER. I did the same to him.. and i was like "waait.. am I for real what?" and he was like "You got an outbox." then i was like "but it got deleted" and he was like "Sucks don't it." then I was like "Nope." and he stopped replying after that. blaahh and he sounded all mad and shit. -______- OHH.. SO HE CAN DO THAT?! AND I CANT?! I seeee how it is. I hate being so attached to people, ughhhhh. And this is also the reason why I don't like having favorites or any bestfriends. because in the end, the things I like the most turn out to be the averageee one that I sorta start not to like anymore. and the best turns out to be blaah.. I just wanna escape sometimes. See how life would be without me. Did i even effect anyone's life?! AT ALL?! Was I here for no reason? I just had to let this all out. I feeel so clingy and that maybe I shouldn't be.. and it's like embarrassing and annoying? But hey... I'm a girl that feels insecure and has a low self-esteem. What else can you expect?


Sigh.. lately (maybe bc of him) I've been in a bad mood.. towards CD my mom.. my whole sisters.. and friends.. and yeah.. sigh.. this is stressing me out (even though it's not worth my time) School is also stressing me out.. so many damn test and not enough time to study for it. Gaaahh. JUST ONE MORE YEAR! (even though college is gonna be harder..) Whaat to do.. I Feel like something is missing. It's like you are so used to doing a certain thing everyday that when one day.. it stops.. you just feel.. bad, not as well.. not complete? THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME!! Like I said on earlier post, I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!!@@!! Ughh!! I already said.. i don't want to be in a relationship.. and LOOKIE HERE.. what did i say.. -___- maaan... I want a guy to like.. make me feel loved.. make me feel like i'm the only girl for him.. making me lose my insecurites.. cuddle me.. hold on to me or something.. give me flowers.. but this is just only my wishful thinking. I once heard whatever you want in life.. you'll get just the opposite. I WONDER if I'm even going to get married!!!!!!! Blalala. I guess that's all in my head.. there's probably more things right now.. I'm so glad I get to let all of this out.. i've been bottling it inside for quite some time now.. no one to tell it to. I don't want comments. I don't need comments. I just wanna be alone.. as of right now. Sighh


ps. I think he's going to end up with a Mexican girl one day.