Relationships

Some things I say may be interpreted differently from each person's point of view. So what I say may be a completely different thing from what you're thinking. But I guess I can understand. We don't see everything exactly the same, since our environment and experiences aren't the same. Well anyway, a couple relationship. Hrm. All I can say is that, I am 100% not ready for one. Why? Well why not? I have four years of school to cram into three years. I need to maintain my high grades so I can enter University of Houston. Why am I rushing my time? Well because I can't stress enough on how much I hate this school I'm currently in. I would explain my reasons, but people wouldn't still understand. So no point right? Might even think it's just a "minor" problem. But what's minor to you, might be entirely different to another person. For an example, I once thought a dollar was just a small amount of money, until my friend, who's usually always joking around.. surprisingly got angered and serious by my comment. Remembering that she's from a poor family.. I felt really horrible saying that.. but ehh, I learned my lesson from that. But then you got the point now right? Well let's go back as to why I'm not ready. As to all the stress I'm already holding, I don't need and want to add another one.. me dating? Well that just means I would have to hide it from my family right?.. I kept way too many secrets.. and I don't want to hide such a big thing from my family. All these guilt forming in my head is really going to drive me insane one day. And if I am going out with someone. Okay..? so we're dating.. What do we do now? Text each other 24/7? Tell each other we love each other no matter what? Tease each other about how we wish we were together this very moment? Hah. That's fun. I live in a town where gossips travel within the speed of sound, I don't think I will even be able to keep my relationship a secret! So going out in public? With just the two of us? I don't think so. You can say I am a boring person, yes I know that. We probably all know that. But hey, I was raised this way. Can't blame me right? And again, my environment and experience made up my personality, which is totally different from yours. So you can't just expect me to do something YOU would do. And things are always easier said than done.. which pisses me off. We're all talk, but once when it comes to us, will we really be able to do what we just said? We plan for the future, but things never come out the way we expected it to be. Life is full of risks, but I am only human. Of course I would be scared to take the risks.. so scared that I might not even take it. And probably, regret my decisions. But I guess things happen for a reason. Some people tell their life stories and pass down to others so we can learn their lessons, but we have to learn through our own experiences. We can't just feel their pain without us being in that kind of situation. We can picture it, but it won't affect us as much as if we were to go through it. Yeah, sometimes it works.. I gotta give them that. But whatever.. I don't know. Anyway, another reason why I don't want a guy right now is because I'm still affected by a past relationship you can say, and I'm scared to go through the breakup stage, I know.. I shouldn't even be thinking of breaking up with someone but I'm just saying. When you find a guy, at least look for the type of guy who you actually think will last a long time.. just don't go out with a guy just because you are trying to "experience" what kind of guy you are looking for.. I don't even want to look for a specific guy, cause if I do, he might will just be a disappointment .. I just don't want him to be a jerk. That's all. And yeah, I guess "experiencing" might be good.. but aahh! I don't wanna live my whole life dating a bunch of guys to just find the right kind of guy that I'm looking for. Just let them come.. and if they leave, then hey. That's life.. I am bound to get over them one day if they weren't meant to be in my life. And YES! I know I'm too young, and thinking of this is like I'm trying to say whoever I date, is "the one" and we are going to be committed to be with each other for the rest of our lives. Ahh oh Lord. No. That's not what I'm trying to say at all.. Actually the thought of that is really mushy and disgusting.. but it's better to save yourself from all the trouble of having your heart broken all the time right? LOL gaah leee.. I just freakin wrote a book. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, this is all so serious.. dammit. I just felt like I was writing a book about relationships, or maybe something about desperate spouse finders would try to say. LMFAO. MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN. This is what summer does to me.