Life

Although I told myself I was gonna write things that are more happy and whatnot, I just can't seem to do that.. nothing in my life is going on. The wheels are just turning and turning.. but nothing is happening.. all the same thing over and over again. Wake up, pee, wash teeth, shower, eat, internet, get ready for Driver's ed, go home, eat, internet, sleep. Then it happens all over the next day. It's not even exciting.. Everybody seems to be caught up in some fun stuff, like hanging out with friends or something or either doing something with friends. I'm just stuck at home.. BLAH. And the one thing that is mainly stressing me out is the Online Spanish Course. Shit. I don't even know how to work that thing.. I log in, and they don't even tell me what I need to do to start it. And I need to finish two semesters of this so I can go to Spanish 2 next year. Ahhh.. two more years of High School and I'm done! But what's next? More school? Honestly.. I don't even know what I want to become.. I really do want to have a career where I can enjoy it.. I don't want to go to work everyday and being sad because I don't love my job.. sigh. Anyways, I'm going for Pharmacist. But I think I'm only doing that because the hours seems relaxing (depending on where I work) and it's easy money? Yes, that's the worst thing you can think about.. is doing something you don't love for the money... Ahh.. horrible isn't it?. Agreed. Well, I was just thinking that I'm going to become a Pharmacist just so that I can get my life started.. go to places where I have always dreamed of going.. buy a nice car, get a house, support my families.. and once I got everything set up.. go back to school and go to a field where I can honestly say "I love this career, and I'm not doing it for the money." It all sounds too easily.. I wish it was, but it's not. I wanna see how my life is gonna be like when I get older. Just a quick glance would be fine.. but it's impossible.. everything these days seems to be impossible. I wish I can be brave. Have more courage or something.. Then I could be able to tell the guy who I like, that I like him. Just to see what would of have happened. Actually, even though I feel bored and kinda lonely, and seeing people dating kinda makes me feel a little envious. I don't really want to date. I still have other things to worry about.. and what if I was to date someone? I wouldn't even have the time.. I don't have the car for me to drive to you and hang out. I would be boring to you. I'm boring. I'm trapped. If I could hang out, like go to the mall, party, bowling.. etc. I would have to go home early.. what fun is that? It's boring right? Just like me.


-Hrmm.. I'm always watching dramas, but every time I watch it, it always reminds me how boring and sucky my life is. :[
-Driver's ed. was today.. Tram and I was the only asian. The only person who I knew was Tram. Good thing she is one of my bestfriends. I wouldn't be able to feel comfortable around her if she wasn't. But just the two of us.. is soo lonely! I'm scared she might be absent and I'm there alone.. I don't like it there, I feel uncomfortable. And no, I did not contradicted myself. And I guess cause it's the first day of school and I'm not used to it. The days will pass by fast. I'm actually learning a lot in that class. I wanna go drive now!
-Summer! No schoool! But that Spanish course that I don't know how to work.. sighh. And Driver's ed! But other than that.. NO SCHOOL! Ahaha. Yay....
-I haven't been able to enjoy my summer yet! I wanna hang out.. but I don't think I can? Since Driver's ed. starts at 3:30 and ends at 5:30. And that is when we usually hang out with friends.
-The day shall come when I'm FREE! And once I am.. you shall see me..

going out of my car,
with my hairs blowing back
by the winds on a sunny day
with sunglasses on
because I now wear contacts
during the Autumn season
with me smiling happily
without braces on
my teeth all straight and white
and finally carrying a purse
wearing the outfits
I have longed for to wear
during my younger days
with my body a lot more slimmer
than I am now and
walking up to my friends
and hugging them in the
parking lot, because it's cool
and walk together in a group
to our destinations.

Dayum, what a fantasy.. HAHA, omg. I can't wait for it to come true. LMFAO. Or.. if it EVER comes true..