I DON'T WANT FRIENDS ANYMORE. All they freakin do is HURT you. I rather be alone. That way there is no way anyone can do me harm or make me cry. I rather hurt myself than let others hurt me. Ughhh
I hate how little things can just make me cry. I hate being so sensitive to things..

Just things I needed to get off of my chest

I don't know if I can ever think of going back with you. That is, IF I had that option. Yeah, it would bring me smiles and the world filled with happiness but thinking that you can always leave me, hurts. You once left me because you said I was "boring".. what makes you think that you can actually stay with me this time? I won't always have my shining moments.. and you were barely ever there for me during my "dull" moments... Even though I rarely have my shining moments... when I do, wouldn't that make it more special? The less often you see something, the more precious it is. If you were to see a shooting star every day, would that still makes it special? Or would it just be like any another ordinary star out there? I'm not going for ordinary, I'm shooting for extraordinary. Thinking of the past and how you fell for me makes it seems like I am able to make you fall for me once again. And knowing that, I am always going through that challenge NOT to do it to you, no matter how much I want you to like me back again... I'm always thinking how much it would be nice to be with you again, talking to you everyday like we used to. But then every happy moments has its sad moments... like in the end, I will always think about how much pain you can cause me. I am not willing to go through all that again. You just scare me sometimes, you give me so much insecurities. I already had enough insecurities about myself, (my beauty, my weight) and I don't need to add it into my worries. I always wondered what would change about us if I had accepted your invitation to go out with you... but that question will always be left unanswered. I guess things just happens for a reason.

BLAAH Face to Fate.

UGH! Another drama had ended... Omg.. and I miss it sooooo muuch! WHY MUST I BE LIKE THIS! I have some serious attachment problem.. it's not even funny.... sigh.. I just finished "Face To Fate" And at the beginning I was not happy that Tavia was going to end up with Frankie Lam and Not Raymond Lam.. but as the drama went on, I actually liked them together. BUT OF course it would of still be better with Raymond Lam.. well yeah.. anyway.. in the drama, the couple was actually alright! But there was not that much chemistry between them AT ALL.. they barely did anything together.. all they did was say things like, "I'll be there for you, when you have problems" or helping each other out.. or call their names.. lolll.. OROROR, well the closed thing they actually did was.. HUG! What the hellies man... I mean, cmon! At least put some lip actions up in there.. ahhaa.. but yeah.. the ending was wack! I mean.. they couldn't be together, because apparently she had to be the head of her clan.. and as a rule, she can't be with a commoner or something like that.. and so they couldn't see each other, and 2 years had past.. and still nothing.. but like i guess he missed her, so he went to one of her meetings thing mabobb.. and then he dropped the "hair pin".. and of course, she saw it.. then they were liek.. "HE WAS THERE" and then she got one of her servant to tell him to meet her at this place where they last "broke up" and then she was like.. "i guess we still cant be together, i would love to be with you.. but i have to be the leader so there is peace.." and of course he wants that too! so blaah.. and she just said "here is your pin.. I'm giving it back to you" then iono what happened.. but there was a crowd fighting and then he told everyone that is will not be in the society's business.. but then because he wanted to save someone, he had to like fight someone to help.. and the lady who he saved was like.. oh no! save my son! and then he was on his way.. then BAM! he saw tavia.. saving her.. then their eyes met.. and yeah.. :/ then later on.. after they did all the saving.. they were together and she was like.. "i thought you wont be in the society's business?" and then he asked her why she was there.. then she was like.. "i came to ask you a question" uhm.. i mean.. how did she even know he was there?!?!?! lol.. but yeah. then he was like what.. then she said "how come you didnt ask me to stop being a leader, and follow you?" then he was like "well if i asked now, would that be too late?" then she smiled and walked off.. and then he looked at her, and followed her.. (oh, but her outfit was like a casual outfit.. it wasnt all leadery at allllll) soo meaning.. i guess she quit being a leader already!.. and when they were walking together.. they were all smiley.. and he had this cute smile.. and she did too.. and it was all cute and everything.. omgomgg.. sighh.. but yeah.. then i guess that meant.. she stopped being a leader and followed him... aahh.. it was cute! although i wished their chemistry was something greater!! and more awesome.. the ending was ehhy too me.. could of like hugged.. lol.. if not kissed.. but yeap.. just walked off smiling. still cute i guess..
but yeah! I CANT STOP WATCHING THE ENDING, i miss it too much to let the drama go... right now i am currently trying to find a hk drama with tavia and raymond together.. HOPEFULLY THEY ARE GOING TO BE TOGETHER IN REAL LIFE! CAuse i saw this clip, and they were holding hands like they were dating.. but as the camera man cameraed them.. (lol) they let go.. sooo.. double you teee eff??? lol.. so yeah! i think i found two dramas so far, but one of them didnt air yet, and the other one.. im not sure if they are going to end up together, so im still trying to make sure on that.. so yeah!.. ahh..
but i hate how i am always so attached to dramas.... and i just want to keep on watching it!! maan.. i even cried earlier.. so sad..


I am currently listening to the song
Draw Near by Tavia and Frankie..
their voices.. match each other so well..
and the song is so LOVELY, it's like sad.. but a really good song.
I love how their voices compliments each other,
and HIS voice is SOOOO dreamy and smooth.
At first i thought it was Tavia and Raymond singing together..
at leasst i hoped.. SURPRISINGLY I got her voice right!
But it wasn't Raymond, instead it was Frankie..
hrmm.. still good though! I love them together also!
Ahh he seems so adorable... (crying)..
But yeah, he's married.. to this lady.. and I think they got a kid together.
sooo hrmm... well Raymond and Tavia isn't! (winks).. lol!
I think my life would be SOO complete, if they were to be together in RL.
Just as I can't get over the song
from Prosecuter Princess.. (My Princess)
I CAN'T GET OVER THIS SONG!.. ugh!! :(
I feel so alone....!

I still dont have everything out of my mind... like I feel the need to keep on babbling about how I miss this drama.. because seriously, I have no one else to say this too.. and If i do.. I will just annoy the crap out of them with my babbling on about this drama.. and how i miss it.
But everytime I watch dramas.. and it's the end of it.. I am wondering if I will ever feel this way and is alone.. what if I had the guy who i LOVED.. the one that has my all.. if i would feel like this.. i just want to be finished with school.. and live the life..or something.. idkkk.. like in dramas, they are all finish with things.. and al they have is their career and their love life.. but love life is so hard.. it makes me scared, i dont want to go through all the hardship and heartbreaks to find that he truly loves me.. or the other way around.. ughhh.. poopshits. I juist feel like going to china or something or whatever.. and find me a nice cuute guy, who has a DREAMY voice.. when he sings.. lol.. I am attracted to voices like.. Raymond Lam or Frankie Lam.. i think their voice is really similar.. it has like a "manly' voice to it toooooo.. omgggg...
maan i wish i can singggg... then me and him can like sing together and whatnotsss.... aaaaahhhhh.. will singing lesson help me? lol
BUT YEAAHHH, I MIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSS FACE TO FATEEE... i feel like watching it againnnnn, buuut then its not something to watch againnnnnnn ... blaaaahh..

Hahhaha dumbest child ever right here..

okay so awhile ago, i was looking at the date and it said July 6th. And i was like sooo confused.. because i remmebered that yesterday they were talking about firecrackers and it was july 4th!!! And i was like uh.. what happened to july 5th?!!??! and so i checked my phone.. and it said july 6.. by this time i thought i was going insane.. because I WAS PRETTY SURE YESTERDAY WAS FREAKIN JULY 4TH! i mean.. i didnt do anything on july 5th.. and i remmebered.. going home from houston on july 4th yesterday!!!!.. and then i had to ask my sister.. and she said yes, today is july 6th. and i was like WTF HAPPENED TO FUCKIN JULY 5TH DAMMIT. maan i was SOO FUCKIN CONFUSEDD LIKE I WAS GOING CRAZY!!!!!@!@!! UGH! And then my sister later on was like "Duude, it's 12:30" AND THEN I WAS LIKE... oh my freakin gawds. LOLOLOL, I FEEL SOO SLOW, like wtf.. where did my common sense go... :( AHAHAHHAHA but thats funny.. LOL! I FELT SO RELIEVED THAT NOTHING HAPPENED TO JULY 5TH AND THAT I WASNT GOING CRAZY.. (well i did, but like.. thinking july 5th disappeared and all..) hahahha! i was glad.. my "mystery" was solved.. ROFL.

I feel like I am in so much pain .___.

I just felt a strong urge for a close friend to be with me right now...
I feel really lonely all of a sudden..
Sigh

I'm soo tired of crying... my eyes are tired.. please let me smile and find the light again.. I love you God...